The Collaborative Writer Forum For Aspiring and Published Writers
#1

in keeping

in If you love poetry, writing it or reading it, you belong here Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:08 pm
by Bundlebee • 3 Posts

(This is a song, so best read aloud; poetry should sit on a page a little less adroitly otherwise; ))

the past of our days
are filled with the sounds
of such tides of sympathy

the more we would be exposed
to the ground
as we waltz upon the sea

for now we're wont to get ahead
to some place where the truth
can lie

and sleep as safe any one sound
under the sun in
a night-time sky

for although you once sung so deep,
although you once swore and smiled
you went on your way to the keep
an extra mile, ophelic child


now the past is ablaze
with the troops, arms and towers,
with the tribes that you'd have unite

Against the walls, where you
once laid down flowers
grown by the sun at night

but your exile of love
returns to confound
this history's country of peace

to bring you down from the rhyme
in their song
to a whistle on the breeze

for now that all a family can teach
is to thank the distance it takes to cry
you just went on your way to the keep
an extra mile, Helene child


now there's your gingerbread house
torn down behind
their screen of history

filled with your care,
with the incense and wine
of some cosmopolitan city

and the last of your days
now fill the ground
in ways I cannot describe

I would that I were a stranger
to myself
not this old acquaintance inside

ok, we wrapped their flags round
our bones, and dyed some itinerant kite,
but you left me on your way to the keep
that extra mile, Helene child


Last edited Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:14 pm | Scroll up

#2

RE: in keeping

in If you love poetry, writing it or reading it, you belong here Tue Jul 12, 2011 6:43 am
by collaborativewriter • 85 Posts

oh wow, this is quite moving... I'm wondering what parts of it you're especially fond of, Bundlebee? great user name, btw. :-) I don't know what 'ophelic' means... ?

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#3

RE: in keeping

in If you love poetry, writing it or reading it, you belong here Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:41 pm
by Bundlebee • 3 Posts

Thanks; ) I'm not sure which parts I'm most fond of. It's an old poem/song that has changed form more times than is normal for me, but it's a difficult topic really.

I like the image of the sun shining and growing flowers at night, heavy in romantic/symbolic redolence though it may be....it does shine at night here, which can pose as great a risk to well-being as too much darkness. In my experience.

Ophelic was a heavy-handed 'hint',thrown in at the last minute that this poem is about a suicide. Ophelia being the reference....I guess power abuses and insanity are more prevalent in Scandinavia than people wanna know.

Whereabouts are you in Sweden? Hope the proof of the cake was in the eating; )

Jo

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#4

RE: in keeping

in If you love poetry, writing it or reading it, you belong here Wed Jul 13, 2011 8:25 am
by collaborativewriter • 85 Posts

I'll respond about the Sweden question in PM. :-) When it comes to taking a look at one's poetry, I think it can be very helpful to talk about where the symbolism comes from. In the case of the poem I wrote about Sweden, what I found almost overwhelming emotionally when I first got here were the connections I saw between the people I stay with and their connectedness to the land, to their environment. It's as though they are a physical part of every atom of this place. I've rarely, if ever, felt that kind of physical connectedness emanating off of people in response to their place on the planet. Their sense of this as their 'home' is entirely unconscious; I don't think they perceive it the way I do at all—they take living here and how connected they are completely for granted, as does anyone who is just simply living their lives without realising how integral their environment is to who they are, to their identity, to their physical reality. I tried very hard to create a visceral response in the reader, for them to see that the life that is breathed in the poem, the cycles of life and death I see when I'm here, are what these people breathe in and out every day. It's like their DNA is in the grass or something. :-) I didn't grow up in one place, so I guess I have the sense that I am standing outside the experience, looking in on other's living in their genetic home. Oh, and I've sent that poem out, and it's already been rejected once! ;-) I'll be sending it out again, to a magazine for <ahem> old people, which writes about aging issues. But a place called Tin House http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/home-page rejected it just recently.


Last edited Wed Jul 13, 2011 8:30 am | Scroll up


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